Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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