That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
