We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
false alarm. still invincible.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
