I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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