You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
