I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
