Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
