We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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