If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
