Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
