I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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