So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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