It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
