Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
