he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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