Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
