I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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