Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
