Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
