I wish I could teleport
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
