Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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