A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
