I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
