she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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