Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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