i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize