On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
