i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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