I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
