I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
