you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
