Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
