I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
