god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
