Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
