ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
