remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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