I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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