1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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