so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
