so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
