So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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