that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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