i already hear my dad disowning me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
