Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
