It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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