And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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