sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I understand Curling. That high.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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