Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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