i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
