Your mouth is God's brothel.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
