I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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