Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
