Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
