sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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