Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
