Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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