Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize