it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
