All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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