Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize