just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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