No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
