I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
