She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
