Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
