he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
