If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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