I'm gonna have a badass scar
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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