The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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